Hide-and-seek is one of our childhood games enjoyed by children across different cultures and ages. If observed carefully, this game reflects the continuous interaction of separation and reunion that starts in infancy. This means transitions from infancy to toddlerhood and eventually to childhood contain various play activities like chasing, peekaboo and hide-and-seek. Such games allow children to develop coping mechanisms and enable them to experience loss and learn how to manage the dynamics of separation and reunion in relationships with others. Game like peekaboo and hide-and-seek helps children develop independence skills when their caregiver is not present. They get to know how to manage things when they are alone and how to find/hide in a safe place, which allows a child to make sense of their experience. Similarly, individual therapy sits right at the centre of this push and pull, this lifelong game of hide and seek that every human quietly plays.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
―Viktor E. Frankl
Why We Hide?
Most of us learn early in life that certain parts of us are “too much”, “too emotional”, “inconvenient”. So we fold them away. Maybe you learned to hide your sadness to avoid being a burden, or maybe you buried your anger to keep the peace. Conceivably, you hide your desires because no one ever met them anyway. Some lessons follow us into adulthood:
- We pretend that we are okay because we fear being rejected.
- We stay silent to avoid conflict or discomfort.
- We hide our pain as we do not want to be dramatic
- We shrink ourselves to keep others comfortable
See? Hiding becomes a habit. A survival strategy to keep the works from seeing the soft and sensitive parts we have learned to protect. But even when we hide, something inside us still waits and hopes someone will notice our quiet struggles and gently say, “I see you, I hear you, I understand”. That is the part of us that wants to be found.
Therapy as A Safe Space Where You Can Be Found
Individual therapy is not about fixing you. It is about finding you. In therapy, you step into a space where you are allowed to bring all parts of yourself that the outside world does not always accept. Such as your confusion, pain, messiness, uncertainty, hopes and contradiction. And instead of judgment, you are met with understanding. Therapy becomes the one place where:
- You don’t have to pretend.
- You don’t have to hide your feelings
- You don’t have to apologise for your needs,
- you don’t have to be strong all the time.
The therapist is trained not only to listen, but to notice what lies beneath your words. The therapist catches the emotions and patterns behind unspoken stories. Sometimes, you may not yet understand what you are feeling, but the counsellor holds space until the fog clears.
In this relationship, you are not invisible. You are not diminished. You are not too much.
You are simply human, and human beings are meant to be seen and heard.
Finding Yourself Through the Layers
Therapy works like peeling back layers of a story you have been carrying for years.
The Outer Layer: What You Present to The World
This is the version of you that is functioning and managing life. It is part that says “I am fine” even when you are not.
The Middle Layer: What You Think Should Feel
This layer contains the expectations, beliefs and rules you learned. How to act, what to feel, and how to express.
The Inner Layer: What You Truly Feel and Need
This is the core of you, raw and honest with no filters. Therapy walks with you from the outer layer to the centre, which helps you reconnect with the self you have learned to silence. You know that being found in therapy is not dramatic. However, it is quiet and grateful and is deeply transformative.
The Courage to Be Seen
To be seen means allowing someone to witness your true self. The part you have hidden, and you are unsure about, and labelled as “not good enough.” This can feel vulnerable and even frightening. But therapy teaches you that vulnerability is not weakness; it is the doorway to connection and emotional freedom. When your therapist sees you and still chooses compassion, it sends a powerful message: “You don’t have to hide anymore to be worthy of care.” And slowly, you begin to see yourself with the same kindness.
The Human desire to be Found
At the heart of individual therapy is a very simple truth: Every human being wants to be found, not in the dramatic sense, but in a deeper emotional sense that is found in your confusion, your pain, your healing. We all want someone to notice that parts are hidden and want someone to stay when we reveal our real selves. We all want to feel that we matter.
Therapy honours that desire; it creates a space where you are not overlooked. Where someone sits with you and understands you to figure out clarity in your uncertainty.
Where you stand determines what you see and what you do not see; it determines also the angle you see it from; a change in where you stand changes everything.
―Steve de Shazer
